Fuck this, why can't I be skinny again!?

Right, like every few fricking weeks I've decided I MUST BE SKINNY or die. I hate feeling like this, at least when I was thin I could blame everything wrong in my life on the fact I was anorexic, never ate and was dying. Now I have nothing. I'm just a fuck up. I have no routine and that is my problem. I have decided (again) I need a routine, in my life as much as eating. So I'm sorry but the next bit will be quite boring, it's more for my own peace of mind than reading material. I'm going to plan out my eating and daily routines. Nothing crazy or I wont stick to it, I just give up so neeeeeeeed to do this!

Right dieting.

FOOD RULES:

I have decided to cut out all the crap. I can eat as much salad and healthy things as I like, will slowly take this to eat only 0cal foods. 

I will aim for around 500 cals a day, (aiming to take up 2468/ABC at some point. Or maybe even 23456 dunno what ever floats my boat when I get to that!) but eat a small something every other hour, just nothing substantial till I get home so my parents see me eating. 

If I need to binge then it must be on salad or fruit etc. And I must drink a pint of water before, clean my teeth and eat some gum. Hopefully after all this I will not even need to binge on that! If that doesn't work I will play videogames (>.<), do work HA!, ping an elastic band on my wrist, diet coke, green/herbal tea, hoover, cup a soup, low cal drinks, fruit/veg, work on my blog, look at thinspo, clean, dance around wildly, just anything to stop me. 

In the event of a binge, I must purge in some way, either purging, ex-lax, exercise mad, fast, cut. Anything to punish me for my mistake :)

Diet pilllllsssssss <3

GOING TO WRITE A FOOD/EXERCISE DIARY :D

EXERCISE ¬¬:

If you don't know, I'm an absolute exercise hater, so I know what I'm going to be doing isn't a lot, but I am hoping to work it up slowly slowly, and maybe I'll get back to my fanatical ways :)

Right, I will aim to do my crunches (using a sit up bar -- 40 legs straight up 90 degrees, 40 normal crunches feet touching the floor, 40 knees to the left, 40 knees to the right), push ups (50 using push up bars, on knees to begin with), and inner thigh squeezes (a 90 degree angled bar with a spring in the middle you put in between your legs and squeeze and release -- start at 50/75, work to 100+) once a day in the morning, however if I miss a day it's no big deal at first, just as long as I do it more than four times a week. Eventually I am hoping to do this twice a day :)

SLENDERTONE <3 starting at 20 mins a day, not a big deal if I miss this again at first, slowly work up to 40 mins a day every day

Walking to work and back. I work 2/3 shifts a week and it's 2 and a half miles one way, so if I walk there and back that's 5 miles, and speed walking is extremely good exercise! Can mix it up and cycle some days too :)

Not until I'm ready or I know I wont stick at this, maybe after losing 7lbs. I will go to the gym 3 times a week (as they are the only times I can use the college gym :( ) Doing 15 mins running, 15 mins cross trainer, 30 mins weights.

OTHER -- Dog walking, dance mat!!, running, youtube videos, dancing wildly :), sex ;)....

REASONS TO BE THIN:

Every day I should look at thinspo, work on my blog, and think of new reasons to be thin. These are some :)

People will see your beautiful gorgeous bones, you’ll be seen as graceful and womanly

A moment on the lips, forever on the hips. 

Time moves so fast when you’re eating, you’ll just want more after, don’t ruin your progress!!!

Everyone notices skinny girls, no one notices fat girls

Fat girls don’t get jobs or reach success

You’ll save time and money through not eating, you’ll be happier!!!!

Every bite makes you fat and sluggish. Food is the enemy, food is poison, food is two faced.

I shall not be tempted by the enemy (food), and I shall not give into temptation should it arise. Should I be in such a weakened state and I should cave, I will feel guilty and punish myself accordingly, for I have failed her.
I will be thin, at all costs. It is the most important thing; nothing else matters.
 I will devote myself to Ana. She will be with me where ever I go, keeping me in line. No one else matters; she is the only one who cares about me and who understands me. I will honor Her and make Her proud

I don’t want to be ordinary, I want to be extra-ordinary!

If it was easy everyone would be thin

I want to be thin at all costs, and truth is, eating wont get me there!

-- Finally, sorry this is the boring part guys, but my weekly routine.

Monday - Up at 8.20, get ready, 'breakfast', leave at 9.10

Home, relax :)

Tuesday - Up at 9.00, get ready, blah blah

Wednesday - Up at 9.30, blah blah, English catch up

Home, Music music music revision/work:)

Thursday - Up at 7.20 ¬¬ blah blah

Home, English revision

Friday - Up 9.30, blah blah

Music revision/work

Saturday - WORK :) Singing Practise

Sunday - Work :) Piano Practise.

Surely if I stick to this my life should turn itself around? I bet not : / Wish me luck guys hey....

Will keep you posted :)

Stay strong, Sonia xx