FAT C*NT...

Goooooood. Sorry for being away for so long... Don't really know who I'm talking to, guess myself really. But I have managed to escape my house and stay at my boyfriends for the last couple of weeks. Been binging non-stop since then. Gone up to 173lbs. : / Feel so crap just wish I could have normal eating and be a normal weight, like before I started all this.

Today was good, until waiting for a bus earlier, someone drove past and shouted out the window 'FAT C*NT!'...

Instantly you look round to see if they were shouting at anyone else, but the only person in near vicinity was my best friend Kms, whom is so skinny I wish she could see it. Half of me wished it was shouted at someone else, half wished it was aimed at me. It gives you determination, yet it hurts you so much I found it hard to fight back the tears. I really wish I could find the determination to get thin again. But I can't.
There was a verrrry voluptuous woman further up the road, part of me wishes it was aimed at her.
But if it wasn't, it makes you think. If one person can see it and was brave enough to shout it at me, then who else can?

God I feel crap :(

It was my 18th last Friday... Don't know whether to say it was good or not. Again I got nothing from my parents apart from a birthday card and a 'sorry I didn't get you anything, hope you're not disappointed'
Anyway then I was alone all day until met up with my boyfriend at 5 so from then on I had a good time. The morning was spent crying/cutting/binging..  <3

And soon I'll get the choice whether to meet my birth parents or not. Not being taken on by adult services so no help there. I'm dooomed.

Why do every time I take a step forward I end up taking two back?

Lol I give up, going now to play Pokemon and most likely binge and purge. Ahh :)
Stay strong guys, Sonia xx